Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I dreamed of squash and I got squashed dreams

Spring is my 2nd favorite season, next in line to autumn. I get all excited every year about growing something, and yet every year my hopes of getting my hands dirty are squashed by the one person I love the most in the entire world...my husband!

Two years ago, I bought the most beautiful lilies...they are my favorite flower! I planted them along our sidewalk in the back yard. For the past two years I have reminded Jeff NOT to mow down my lilies and for the past two years he has forgotten! I have enjoyed coming home to the first mowing of the year and a freshly manicured yard only to see that the new Lily sprouts had been whacked down...mutilated...abliterated...murdered!

Also for about 3 years now, I have begged for him to till up an area for a vegetable garden...I wanted a big vegetable garden! So the first year we planted a few tomato plants and they really struggled to grow, that's when we realized we had clay dirt which makes growing anything pretty difficult (however, I have learned thru my persistent research that clay dirt is FIXABLE! Hint, hint) Also, Jeff tells me that we have a very rocky yard...according to him we must have iceberg sized boulders less than an inch from the top of the soil and that is yet another reason why we cannot have a garden. I think he tells me these things to shut me up, and in the past I have cecum to defeat, but this year I was determined and overly excited because....I had a plan!

In March I asked my sister,Dede, if she had an area at her house that her husband could till up and I could plant my garden, I was going to do all of this behind Jeff's back so I didn't have to hear any of his reasonable/unreasonable objections. She agreed and soon there after, I started growing tomato and pepper seeds indoors...except for one really beautiful day that I put them out on the porch to get some fresh air and sunshine. Well, to make a long story short, it frosted that night and killed my entire crop of tomatoes and peppers. But I WAS NOT going to let that hinder me! I continued my plotting and scheming, as warmer days approached I noticed that others were tilling up their garden plots and I needed to follow suit. I reminded Dede that I would need her husband to do the tilling for me, but as the days went by I thought that was pretty selfish of me to expect him to do the hard work...plus he works like a dog 50 and 60 hours a week and the more I thought about it the more guilt I felt.

Then I saw this add in the newspaper. This guy would come till up a garden spot...ready to plant, 20x40 plot, for $50. That's what I would do! I would pay this gentleman to do the tilling at my sister's house. That way I could get it done quicker, and could relieve my brother-in-law of that job, and still could do all of this without involving Jeff. Yippee!

One night we were sitting at the table eating dinner and someone slipped up...it may have been me, I don't remember...and mentioned the garden at Dede's house. Jeff questioned me on what I was up to and I told him what the plans were, at that point I had already spoken with the gentleman about doing the tilling and was on his waiting list for later that week. My mild-mannered husband said to me in a not so mild-mannered tone, " YOU CANNOT GO TILL UP SOMEBODY ELSE'S YARD...THAT"S RUDE!" As I sat there listening to his lecture, I realized that once again...I was not going to be able to have a garden this year. He was right, it was rude of me to consider tilling up my sister's yard.

But all I want is a vegetable garden, honestly...it's what I've always wanted! Even when I lived in Nashville I planted tomato and pepper plants in our yard along with an apple tree, and that took up most of the yard, but I didn't mind because I wanted a garden so badly. As corny as this sounds, I have a list that I carry with me, and have for years that is titled, "My Future Garden". It has every vegetable and fruit that I want to grow listed on that paper. I have had it for probably 10 years!

So Honey, I am sorry for planning a garden behind your back, but I desperately wanted one. I've never had a real, plentiful garden and had no intention of depending on you to take on any of the responsibility, I know you have enough to do. I thought it would be fun for the kids, it would give us something to do this summer... and I wanted a garden because that is a dream that I have had for a long time.

And one last thing...I have always tried to get excited about whatever activities you were involved in. When hunting season rolls around I listen to your bloody stories, let you hang deer heads on the walls of our home, spend weekends away from you as you spend time doing target practice, drooling over guns at the local gun store, I get up early with you and pack your breakfast and lunch for your day-long hunting trips, and among other things I obey your request not to wash your hunting clothes...even though they stink!! I do not complain (much) about all of the guns, ammunition, and other hunting "stuff" that is piled up in my bedroom closet.

During racing season, I listen to all your car stories and your dreamy-eyed goals of your future racing vehicle. I quietly organize the magazine rack that is over-flowing with car part catalogues, I drag my children with diaper bags in tow to the race track to watch you and your friends race down the quarter mile at speeds that make me sick at my stomach knowing that if you wrecked you would be a bloody skid mark on the track and I would be left to raise 4 children on my own!