Friday, February 17, 2017

Life Lately: Time

So much is changing in my life, both internally and externally. I'm having a difficult time processing it all.  There are so many areas that I feel like I'm losing ground, but I've always felt that way with certain areas like housework, laundry, activities.  But now I'm losing time...it has become obvious to me in the most painful of ways.



My Sweet-Summer graduates from high school in 3 short months.  She will start college in another city and move into another home and start a life of her own. She will pursue her dreams.  Maybe they will all come true.  Maybe they will change.  I look at her and know...



 I'm running out of time.



J.D., my mild-mannered, even-tempered son.  He begins high school in August.  He has changed so much this year. He's more like a man, less like a little boy. It all happened right before my eyes, and yet I feel like I've missed something important because it happened so fast. I look at him and know...



 I'm running out of time.



And although everyday is another episode in the Adventures of Colton, he is becoming more responsible everyday.  More self-controlled. He's beginning to think deep thoughts, selfless thoughts. Everything he does is with 100% passion.  Scooter-tricks, yo-yo tricks, card tricks. What will be next? I look at him and know...



I'm running out of time.



Sydney-Pooh, she still loves to sleep with me, but she's bigger now, turning into a young lady.  Her preferences, her words, her friendships, her self-doubt.  I can't keep up with her ever-changing thoughts.  Yesterday is was baby-dolls and ballet. Today I reminded her that she's too young to wear eye shadow and that soon enough she would have braces.  I look at her and know...



I'm running out of time.



And then there is me.  My dreams for my life.  A degree, a farm, a trip to Ireland, to Israel, to see the Northern Lights. I wanted to learn to quilt and to ski.  But not this year...maybe next year.  Then just one more year, then one more year, then one more year.  Now my hair and face are changing, and my age too.  My dreams get put on hold, but my birthday never does. I look in the mirror and know...



I'm running out of time.



I don't exactly know what to do about any of this.  I look at those younger than me, beginning their lives and starting families...just becoming mothers.  And I remember those sweet, exhausting, overwhelming, simple, sweet years.  I look at my calendar and think, what can I cancel so I can carve out a few hours, or just a few minutes with these little humans who I love so much...but aren't so little any more. I look at my calendar and know...



I'm running out of time.



I reflect on this today as a painful reminder to make every moment count.  Time is my enemy.  I can't stop it, it just keeps devouring the years, the days, the moments.  So today I will take what I have been given. Time at home with my kids, time eating meals together, time talking in the car as we run to and fro.  Today time will not escape me, I will treasure what I have and be thankful for the now.