Wednesday, April 20, 2011

A Love Letter

The other day I was in the bathroom and bellowed to my husband to please bring me a roll of toilet paper. A minute later he cracked the door open and tossed my yoga pants at me!

For several years it has been an ongoing joke among my family about my chronic over-use of yoga pants, to which I feel no shame at all, may I add. The ridicule has gotten to a point where I feel like I need to defend myself and set the record straight. The only way I know to do this is to write my true feelings in the form of a love letter.

Dear Yoga Pants,

First, let me say right from the start that I love you...I mean, I really REALLY love you. You must know that there are those who are trying to keep us apart, those who would like to see our relationship cease. I write this open letter to you so that you, and others, may fully understand our devotion to one another. In pouring out my heart in this manner, I hope that they (those who are trying to destroy us) will accept the fatefulness of our relationship.

I love you because you are more devoted to me than any person on this earth. You have loved me at my thinnest and been with me through my pregnancies. Together, we have moved boxes and furniture in and out of homes, painted walls, and planted and harvested gardens.

You have seen me over-indulge myself with a plate of apple pie and been with me as I sweated through a brisk 2 mile walk. You have been right there with me while I held the heads of my little children as they puked in the toilet, then stuck by me as I scrubbed that vomit-splattered toilet the next morning.

You, and only you, have been with me in the middle of the night as I changed pee-soaked linens, rocked crying babies, and balanced the dreaded checkbook. You have seen my many sleepless nights doing a mountain of laundry, wrapping birthday and Christmas gifts, and pacing the floors waiting for storms to pass.

I ask, who...WHO, tell me...has been this faithful? None, but you!

You have saved the life of my husband, whether he realizes it or not. How many nights have I climbed in bed with hairy legs so deadly that he may have bled to death in his sleep, had it not been for you protecting him from near death!

Together we have slaved over the stove feeding my family, we have driven thousands of miles dropping off and picking up my children at their millions of activities. We have scrubbed floors together, and even held a dying puppy in his last hours of life.

Who can say they have been that faithful to me? WHO...I ask!

It is you who have suffered through my bladder issues, my monthly womanly issues...and remind me again, you haters of yoga pants, what was I wearing when my water broke?!?!?! And yet, my yoga pants have not judged me or shamed me. My yoga pants have not told the secrets of why I do not jump on trampolines. They have not abandoned me as I bleached my bathtub when one of my precious children pooped in it, *even when* that bleach got onto my yoga pants and left bleached spots, disfiguring that pair of pants so that it will never see the light of day again!

And yet, the solution that others offered me was to throw you away! NO! NO...I say! I will keep you forever because of your faithfulness to me.

Oh, yoga pants! I fear for you every time I leave the house. I wonder, "Will they seek you out and burn you, as they have threatened to many times before?" It brings a tear to my eye (well, almost) when I think of your enemies, those who would find and tear you to shreds.

As I am living and breathing, you must know that if that is surely your will not be at my hands! I love you too much to harm you.

With utter devotion to my true love,


I am so passionate about this that I am planning on doing "A Love Letter" on video for the world to see, so that the true heart-felt devotion can be understood! These written words just feel so inadequate and my yoga pants deserve better!