However, I know as christians we are called to be transparent with our lives and most important, our short-comings so that we do not block others from seeing Christ. Non-believers and even some believers will take the transparency of christians and make judgements. They will say things like, " If that's what a christian is then I don't want to be one," or " I have seen how that person acts and they have the nerve to call themselves a christian!"
Well, let me share with you some of the milder ugliness that I have displayed...and yes, I am a christian woman.
*I threw a complete hissy-fit at one of JD's baseball games, in front of everyone! I growled at the umpire like a lion, and then after the game tried to justify my actions because it was a bad call. Complete Ugliness!
*I lost my temper on the phone to someone who so desperately needs to see Jesus in me instead of this-> "@#^$(*&#%(@#&$(*&%!!!!!!" Complete Ugliness!
*I often will hear the kids mouth-off from the back seat of the van to another vehicle. I always try to correct it but I also KNOW that they are only mimicking my actions and words from an earlier moment of frustration. Complete Ugliness!
*I have found myself listening and participating with a group of people who are "sharing information" about another person. I have justified this by saying something flipped like, " Well, we need to really pray for that family." Gossip! Complete Ugliness!
I'm tellin' ya, I am in a constant struggle with my mouth. James 1: 26 says, "If a person considers himself a christian but does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." WORTHLESS! As I read James chapter 3, I feel like God is just spanking my backside! "The tongue is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire,..." Sometimes I think God should give me laryngitis. Or how about this, I think God should send me into a coughing fit every time I get mouthy...just to shut me up. As much as a pray for the right words to say and for wisdom to control my mouth, it still seems to run-a-muck despite my best intentions.
Some of my biggest regrets are things that I have said, things that I cannot take back. Times when I embarrassed people around me because I didn't have enough discernment to just shut-up. Times when I didn't have enough self-control to not participate in a conversation...times when I should have just walked away. As God continues to mold me into the woman he wants me to be, I know that he will work intensely on this short-coming. I also know that as I improve, as I gain wisdom, discernment, and self-control, it is not me...but God who should receive the praise.