Monday, September 20, 2010

The Adventures of Colton

(I just found this in my blog drafts and decided it MUST be posted! It's from January 2009)

I am blogging this for Colton. Colton, sweetie, I hope that when you have children, they are as adventurous as you have been in your short two years of life!

Colton's guardian angel must be exhausted!

Yesterday I was cleaning Colton's nose and decided I just couldn't stand it any more, the runny nose was too much to deal with all day long...I was going to have to pull out the booger snatcher. Now until yesterday, Colton didn't mind the booger snatcher too terribly much so I pinned him down and sucked out an enormous amount of "yuck" from his nose. As I was doing this I kept getting a glimpse of something blue...almost teal colored, in his nose but it wasn't coming out and I felt like I had tortured him enough for the moment. I decided to wait until Jeff got home and let him handle it.

When Jeff came home that evening we had our usually business meeting..."here's what came in the mail, guess what happened at work, this needs to be fixed, that's got to be done, this needs to get paid, and that needs to be purchased, here's a briefing of the day and here's the run down for tomorrow."..."oh, and honey, Colton has something in his nose and I can't get it out."


Gina-"Colton...our son (remember him?), has something up his nose. I don't know what it is and I can't get it out. We have no working flashlights (which is something else to mention at the next business meeting) so I decided to wait until you got home to try and figure out what to do."

Jeff proceeded to retrieve the one working flashlight we have from his truck while I got the booger snatcher and a pair of tweezers, just in case Colton was cooperative and my husband proved to me that he had the steady hands of a surgeon. Again, we had to pin Colton down which, I know, sounds awful but I can assure you this is standard procedure for any parent using a booger snatcher. For what seemed like FOREVER, Jeff attempted to retrieve the "thing" from his nose. Finally, we just agreed that it...whatever "it" might be...was not something that was suppose to be in a person's nose and he needed to go to the ER. After going back and forth about who should take him, we decided that I would stay with the other kids and my mom would meet Jeff at the hospital.

The staff at the ER gave an A+ effort but could not get it out either. I won't give the details of what went down, but let's just say I'm glad Colton will not remember anything from when he was 2 yrs old! If, by some chance he were to remember that ER visit, we may be in therapy for years to come. They referred us to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor for the next day and baby Colton came home after a very traumatic episode. To try and make up for the terrible day he had, Jeff stopped to get him some french worked.

The next day my mom and I took Colton to Lexington, with Sydney in tow. I am still her personal vending machine so we are never apart for very long. The ENT was this really sweet man who assured me that this type of thing happened all the time and with some help, he could probably get it out. Jeff and I had agreed we were not going to let anyone else poke, prod, blow air, or shoot water up Colton's nose...he had been through enough. We knew his little nose had to be sore because it looked very irritated. I also noticed a unpleasant smell coming from his nose so I was pretty sure that there was some infection. When I explained this to the doctor, he was very quick to understand and agreed with our decision. He told me the other option was to remove it under anesthesia which would have to be done at a surgery center. He scheduled us for the next day and home we went. I wasn't sure how long the "thing" had been up his nose but we could wait one more day...I guess.

The next morning Jeff, Colton and I drove to Lexington VERY early in the morning on empty stomachs and with an empty sippy was torture! Colton wasn't allowed to have anything to eat or drink after midnight and we were not going to eat or drink in front of him. *Just a little side note...I am a monster when I'm hungry! So is Colton!* So Jeff drove to Lexington with two monsters. We almost got lost 84 times, and in retrospect, I am so thankful that my husband didn't listen to my driving directions, although it caused me to nag terribly. I should not be instructing anyone when I am tired, hungry, and operating on no caffeine, all the while with a tired, hungry, screaming toddler in the back seat.

We arrived at the surgery center safely and in plenty of safely, I mean the monsters didn't harm anyone or themselves. After registration and some really great drugs, I was nervous and sad to turn my little intoxicated Coco over to a nurse, but knew it was inevitable so why drag it out...besides I was starving! The "retrieval" went well. Turns out it was carpet padding! We had ripped up carpet in the main part of the house to lay hardwood, and Colton managed to find a lingering piece of the padding to shove it up his nose. Oh, and they didn't retrieve just one piece, no they retrieved 2 pieces! Lovely thought, huh?

So Colton, for the rest of your life, when you have to list your surgeries that you've had on medical information forms, don't forget to put down "Foreign object removal from right nostril." If you conveniently forget, I will always be glad to remind you, sweetie.

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