I told my sister, Dede, I was going to write about this. I hope it's entertaining, but if not, read it anyway. There is something to be learned by someone else's mistakes.
Last Thursday was JD's preschool graduation. For the sake of convenience I decided that we should all get dressed at my mother's house...probably not real convenient for her...but never-the-less, that's what we did. So, me and my four children ate dinner and changed clothes AND miraculously, were fed, dressed, and ready to go by 5:45pm. I had decided that, in order to get good seats, have the camera and video recorder set up, and have JD in his classroom on time, we would need to leave my mother's house (that means pulling out of the driveway) by 6:05 for the 7pm program.
Now watch and see how my evening begins to unravel...
*Promptly at 6pm Summer comes to me and says that she wants to change her pants because they were wet from the rain. "Fine, just move fast." *6:o1, JD decides that he needs to use the bathroom. "OK, but go fast, we need to leave immediately, if not before."
*All of a sudden, Sydney starts screaming. "Alright little one, I will feed you but hurry it up or we're going to be late" Like she really know what I'm talking about!
*All the while, Colton is destroying my mother's living room as I begin to yell at the top of my lungs, "Quit, put it back, leave it alone, get away from there, stop it now, No no Colton, NO...NO!
Remember, at this point I have been confined to a chair by my nursing baby who will now only nurse from the right side during day light hours (odd!), even though I am engorged beyond belief and leaking from my left side (with no nursing pads within reach). At this point, and out of pure necessity, I have pushed our departure time back to 6:15. " We are leaving in 10 minutes, everybody move toward the vehicle!"
*Next, Summer tromps thru the living room in turquois capris,which match nothing she has on. "What are you wearing? No! Go change back into your other pants. I don't care if they are wet, suck it up!" She starts to cry, but goes to change.
*Then JD walks in the room with not only are his pants down and shirt untucked, but also his tie off and his shirt unbuttoned! "Why are you undressed? Was all this necessary just to use the bathroom?! Get over here now!" He starts to cry, but walks over and allows me to re-dress him as I continue to rant like a mad woman.
*All the while I am still redirecting Colton by telling him everything that he is NOT allowed to touch. Out of frustration, he starts crying.
*Then Sydney fills her pants. So I begin to ramble under my breath about how inconvenient a time it is for my 2 month old to take a poo. It would be nice if she could have waited until another time! Can't she see how irritated I am at the moment?
So, Summer changes, I get JD redressed, change Sydney's diaper, and quickly pick up mom's living room. We all get in the van and arrive at the church in plenty of time to get JD to his class and sit down...with time to spare.
As I sat watching my little boy graduate from preschool, I thought about my evening. I thought about what I jerk I was to my children, I thought about how God was so faithful to me and how very unfaithful I am to him. All I wanted were good seats...but I lost my cool and made my kids feel like it would be all their fault if I didn't get to sit where I wanted to. How stupid is that? And despite the way that I behaved, God provided my good seats anyways. He should have made me go sit in the corner...that's what I deserved.
Motherhood is HARD. I am not perfect. I did not read a book or take a class on how to raise children. I'm wingin' it just like everyone else. I want so badly to be the mom that my children need me to be. I want to be the kind of parent to them that God is to me...Gentle, loving, forgiving, slow to anger. The truth is I can't do this alone. I need His example and His forgivness everyday.
I apoligized to the kids later that night for the way that I had behaved. I want to be transparent to my children, I want them to know that I make mistakes...big ones and little ones, and that I will apoligize to them when I am wrong. I want them to know that I am not perfect, and if they are looking for perfection it's not in me, nor them, nor any person on this earth. They need to keep their eyes on Christ. As good a mommy as I try to be and as good a person as I try to be, there is one thing that I can guarantee my children, friends, and family...I will let you down.
That's why as parents we need to offer Christ to our children from an early age so that when parents, friends, future spouses, or just the world in general let's them down, they have someone to hold on to that will never let them down.
I am so blessed to be a child of God...He is a good Daddy.
Lord, help me to be a better Mommy, I want to be like you.